Crappy golf games, and letting go
2003-10-10 ~ 10:17 a.m.

I should qualify for sainthood.

Ok, maybe that statement is a little too melodramatic. But I should be given kudos for giving up my Eagles tickets to a woman I work with. She's been a long time fan and had never seen them. The tickets were free and it wouldn't have broken my heart or D.'s if we didn't see them, so I gave them to her. Man she owes me big time!

I did take advantage of her gratitude tho. She's my boss, so I got out of work early to go play golf with D. Hee....

Aaaaand the game sucked serious ass. I wanted to wrap my clubs around the nearest tree.....even the cute little grey and black squirrels were pissing me off. Of course, on the last hole, everything clicked and I actually parred the hole. I'm sure they could hear me swearing in the clubhouse.

Stupid game.

Anyhoo, we went for dinner afterward and had a nice long chat about lots of things. We talked about how some of our male friends acted after their wives got pregnant - we have one friend who would give the shirt of his back to help his kids, but mention "golf game" to him, and he goes "what kids??".....we have another friend who adamantly did NOT want kids, so when his wife accidentally got pregnant, he went out and had an affair. Another friend went on a fishing tournament with the guys 2 weeks before his wife was due.

This behaviour baffles me, and I told D. that. I told him I didn't want him to enter Bizzarro world when we have kids - I want and need him to help me out. I understand that he'll need his time off to do his thing. I don't know why I worry about this. I think I'm afraid I'll be like his sister-in-law, stuck at home all the time with 3 kids. Her husband is a doctor just getting out of med school, so I kind of understand her bearing the brunt of the children's rearing, but still. I really think that the guys lot in life concerning children is a lot easier than the females. I just don't want to give up my life, only to see D. continue with his without making the same sacrifices that I'm making.

D. reassured me that nothing like that would happen, in fact, he was baffled a bit as well by our friends behaviour. He pretty much told me that he doesn't want to miss a minute of our kids growing up and that he was in it for the long haul. He sounded so excited about having them....and I had a picture of me, 8 1/2 months pregnant, telling him to fuck off because he was hovering too much. I had a good chuckle about that. So I finally let go of the worries that had been plaguing me about having kids.

And I realized I wasn't afraid anymore.

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