My dad and me - a complicated relationship
2004-01-30 ~ 9:13 a.m.

My dad called me yesterday!

The reason for the excitement is that my dad never calls me - never initiates contact with me. Usually I'll be talking to my mother and she'll pass the phone to him and say "talk to your daughter".

That's not to say that we don't like each other or anything. I just think that maybe we don't have much in common, and our history has been full of arguments and rubbing each other the wrong way. Maybe that's cause we are so alike. Anyway, I guess our relationship is somewhat tentative of late - we've both recognized that we need to give up the fighting and try and get along. I think it took his dad dying for him to get that. I've been trying for years to have a close relationship with him, but I think I fail for several reasons: I always feel like I've disappointed him, and the fact that I was molested as a child - not by him, but another family member. I think that's affected my relationship with him. I just want to try to communicate with him, and to enjoy my dad before it's too late. I don't want him to die 20 years down the road and only then regret that I didn't do anything to make things better between us.

Anyway, this isn't about my sad relationship with my father - it's about the fact that he picked up the phone and called me - just to chat. I almost fell out of my chair. It was nice to chat about inconsequential stuff, like what we were going to do with the money we hope to make off this investment deal. It wasn't a long conversation, but those 5 or 10 minutes gave me such a good feeling, like it really was possible to bridge the gap that has grown between us over the years.

You have no idea how good that feels!

In other news....still waiting for my frickin scope, and no baby yet.

Back ~ Forward